June 24th was a Saturday, we had picked up our 19 year old son Brian from work and then went out to eat. We returned home about 7pm. This 21 year old who use to live in our neighborhood was hanging around in his car. When he saw Brian he asked him if he wanted to go out with him. Brian came in the house and told me that he and Paul were going to a carnival. I really didn't want him going out with Paul as I never really trusted him Paul. Brian said he would be home early because he was tired. I told Brian to be careful, and he hugged me and said don't worry Mom, I love you. Those were the last words that Brian ever said to me.

By 11 I started to worry, as Brian always called me if he were going to be later than that. No matter how old your children are, parents always worry until they come home. About midnight I dozed off in bed and had a dream that Brian and I were at Disneyworld on the "It's A Small World Ride." That was Brian's and my favorite ride. When the ride stopped we got off. Brian walked away from me without looking at me. I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

As Brian was walking I saw two Angels one on each side of him walking with him. I woke up and looked at the clock. It was one in the morning. Brian was still not home. About 9 the next morning two police officers showed up at our door. Brian had been murdered, Brian's wallet was missing from his body. When we received the death certificate the time of death was 1 in the morning the time I woke up from my dream. I truly believe that God was giving me a message that Brians angels were taking him to heaven.

About a month later I had a dream that Brian was in the kitchen and we were talking. He told me that he had died because his head hurt. His head had been bashed in with a blunt instrument. He told me that he loved where he was. He said come with me and I will take you there. He took my hand and in a flash we were in the most beautiful place. It was all white except for the brilliant flowers. In the distance it looked like a church, and over to the left was a white foot bridge. I wanted to cross over the bridge, but Brian said "No its not your time." He told me that he was very happy there, and the only thing that made him sad was seeing us cry. He told me that we would be together someday. But until then to be happy for him. I woke up and was very angry. I wanted to be with Brian. I believe I saw what a part of Heaven looks like. It was so beautiful, peaceful, and you could feel the love there. I didn't see anyone else but Brian, but I assumed that there were lots of people on the other side of the bridge. That dream has given me some peace.

Brian and I were very close, and I feel him with me all the time. I know in my heart and soul that someday I will be with him again. Until that day comes I will try my best to be the best person I can be.

Brian was murdered June 25, 1989, and his birthday is May 1. Around the time of his anniversary and birthday something positive always happens. I thank God that we had 19 years with our son. Those two dreams gave me the courage to fight and get Brian's murderer off the streets. I knew that Paul had killed him and from what the police told us it was for money for gas for his car. After eighteen months of fighting for justice, Paul was arrested and a year later convicted for the murder of Brian. I also lobbied for a change in laws to help victims, and also went into the prison system to speak to murderers. I became an advocate against the death penalty.

Brians story is in a new book called "Childlight" by Donna Theisen and Dary Matara. I truly believe that if you have faith in God, he will see you through anything, and if you think positive, positive things will happen.

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE?

This poem that was written by Lisa - Brian's sister